No sketch with this one…just giggles.
Brian over at BeanQuest had an interesting post that gave me a good laugh.
It’s an interesting little thing you can do with Google.
You Google this phrase: “(your name here) needs”.
For me, that would be “Don needs”.
Then you pick your favorites and list them in your blog post.
So dear readers, I present Google’s results on the search, “Don Needs”…
On My Charms
“don needs to take his sunshades off….he’s too handsome.”
Thank ye. Thank ye vera much.
“Truly Don needs to be in the Country Music Hall of Fame”
Thank ye. Thank ye vera much.
“…Don needs to win an award… he is fantastic!”
Thank ye. Thank ye vera much.
“Although Don needs help picking out sweaters (he has absolutely no fashion sense), he is a class act”
hmmmm…what’s the matter with plaid sweaters?
“Don needs a hug!”
“Don needs a kiss.”
“Poor Don needs more fun in his life.”
“…Don needs to identify all the women who might be candidates and take the ultimate road trip of his life.”
“Don needs to restrain himself when Betty’s in the store.”
“Everyone’s heard a lot of rumors today and, clearly, Don needs to explain some things.”
It’s not what it seems dear…really. I can explain…
“Don needs to get rushed to the hospital.”
hmmmm…can’t understand why she didn’t believe me. Say, you EMT’s do a lot of training don’t cha? How come I can’t see? She only hit me once.
“Don needs to do something about his hair. He looks like an old lady.”
Alrighty then…next subject.
On My Intelligence
“Don needs to talk to my sis sounds like they both have a problem with armadillo recognition.”
Yes, I was very weak with that in school.
“Don needs to have Thomas NOT use the regular multiplication sign when using x as a variable”
Yeah Thomas! It confuses the hell out of me! Little x’s everywhere…ya think I’m a genius or somethin’?!
“Don needs to be reading at 4th grade level.”
It’s hard…really hard. I try. But it’s really, really hard.
“Don needs to make a grid, divide it into six boxes and list each area in a different box, then check off each activity each day after it’s accomplished.”
Not gonna happen. I can’t even read at a 4th grade level. Haven’t you heard?
On My Health
“Energy is certainly what Don needs in abundance.”
Zzzzzzzzz…..
“Don needs a private place to change his pants.”
It wasn’t like that when I was younger.
“DON needs to follow up with individual nurses to make sure the flowsheets are being updated.”
It’s not what it seems dear…really. Put the lead pipe away dear.
“…I was trying to describe Don’s needs, We’re not quite to rubber sheets yet, but we’re into Depends.”
Oh c’mon! How does Google know this stuff?
“We all know Don needs to go to rehab”
Yeah, well, it’s expensive ya know?
“I think Don needs a bit of exercise, don’t you?”
Yeah, well, it’s expensive ya know?
“Don needs to get those teeth filed down at the dentist”
Yeah, well, it’s expensive ya know?
“..don needs to resuscitate himself..”
Hypocratic oath…Yeah right! Lazy ER docs…just can’t find good help anymore!
On Meeting My Potential in Life
“Don needs to get himself over to Oprah.”
It’s all about exposure. One needs exposure to live up to their potential…
“Don needs to step up against a hard hitting top ten contender…”
Naaaah…I don’t like ruining people’s careers.
On My Genetic Individuality
“Don needs Rodney.”
Nope. Don don’t need no Rodney. Don is genetically straight. All the little genes and chromosomes are neatly lined up and clearly heterosexual.
“Don needs no fuel - presumably he photosynthesizes.”
Dang! They’ve found me out! I knew these green fingernails would blow my cover!
“…DON needs additional physiological and molecular investigation…”
As long as it’s non-invasive, I’m fine with that. I like helping science and all.
“Don needs a baritone of extreme flexibility”
Like I SAID…Don is genetically STRAIGHT. Take notes OK?
uh…women can’t be baritones can they? I just assumed they couldn’t…
Put the lead pipe down dear! I was just kidding! Put it doooowwwwwnnnnn. Thank you.
And Finally…
“Before you go, have you noticed anything Don needs to work on?”
6 Comments
Those are great! But I feel bad for you. The Web’s really messed up your secret life, hasn’t it?
I’m picturing the situation that drove someone to post on the Internet that “Don needs to get rushed to the hospital.” Clearly, the writer wanted someone *else* to do the rushing:
“Oh, man! I just sat down with some nice, hot, coffee, and there goes Don … bleeding all over the floor & shaking like a tambourine. I never get any rest around here. Hey - maybe the hospital subscribes to my RSS feed…”
(clicks “publish”)
“I got ya covered, Don! Hang in there!”
(muttering) “I told you that wasn’t an armadillo…”
Hi Brian,
You’re right. The injured or ill Don was simply on his own for obtaining treatment. I didn’t read beyond the results list on these things. That one had me baffled too.
And apparently, my secret life hasn’t been secret at all
Thanks so much for posting this idea on your http://www.BeanQuest.wordpress.com ! I really enjoyed yours and need the inspiration and laughs.
“Don needs . . . ”
Don needs another set a’ house keys! (As he has already determined.) OK, I know this is the wrong post for this, but didja think of breaking a window? Actually, you showed remarkable restraint and did the responsible thing. I would have broken a window.
And indeed, thanks for the laughs - two days in a row.
Hi Karen,
Yes I pondered all sorts of options. Even tried breaking open the basement entry door. I had done too good of a job permanently screwing it shut however.
The window option had two flaws in my case. 1-Burglar alarm. No doubt I would have taken longer than 30 seconds trying to scramble into the window. 2-Our windows are expensive to repair due to “thermal pane technology”.
So, I was stuck.
Glad you got some laughs with the posts
Thanks for commenting!
“Don needs Rodney” had me rolling on the floor. That’s some secret life you’ve got!
I just don’t understand how Google found out all this stuff about me.
Nothing is sacred anymore.
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