Here in the South, Mickey D’s faces a great challenge. This is a problem of epoch proportions. How to get un-sweet tea into a cup when a customer orders it.
I fear, after ten years or so of putting up with the associated problems of ordering un-sweet tea, that only Rocket Scientists will be able to lick this problem.
- I have tried EMPHASIZING the “un” with accentuated diction, a tiny pause, and then adding “sweet tea”.
- I have tried saying “UN sweetened tea…that’s tea with NO sugar”.
- I have tried saying “tea with no sugar please”.
- I have tried giving the manager flack at the store I frequent.
- I have asked the pourers why they seem to always get it wrong.
- I have considered ordering un-sweet tea by saying “I’m totally naked and I would like UN-sweet tea please”, in the hope of jostling the synapses of the workers into noticing what they are doing.
All to no avail. Eight times out of ten, I get sweet tea.
I now ask before leaving the pick-up window, “UN-sweet, right”? Eight times out of ten I hear “uh…UN sweet??” as the response. To top it all off, they always pour out the sweet tea and throw the cup in the trash! Then, in a fresh cup, with fresh ice, they pour up my order correctly…sometimes. That’s right friend, I said SOMETIMES.
The other night I ordered un-sweet tea.
I paid at the first window.
I drove to the second window.
As I was handed my cup I said “Un-sweet, right”?
“Oopsy! no that’s sweet tea sir. Did you order unsweet?”
“Yes.”
She then went through the ritual disposal of the sweet tea and proceeded to pour up another cup as I watched.
She again poured up SWEET TEA! She opened the window and handed me the cup.
I said “UN-sweet, right”?
She replied with a miffed expression, “I thought you said sweet tea”.
I said with a smile, “bless your heart sweety, you’re brain dead.”
She rolled her eyes and said, “I must be”.
Then, she very carefully disposed of the second sweet tea, and very carefully poured my un-sweet tea as I watched again.
She handed it to me with a smile and said “Now that one IS sweet tea, I promise.” (yes you read that correctly).
I said “thanks darlin’ ” and drove off in amazement.
Now, I know some of you are thinking…”hah! Dumb Southerners!” But please understand, it’s only the Micky D’s that seem to have this problem all across the South. All the other fast food chains I frequent get it right eight out of ten times. If it was simply an issue of “dumb Southerners”, then the problem would be rampant at all the fast food chains.
No my friends, there is something about Mickey D’s…something in another dimension perhaps…something only quantum physicists can pinpoint…something beyond the rest of us, that causes this phenomenon. I believe it is time McDonald’s hired a Corporate Rocket Scientist.
