“I do not steal shiny objects!”
I’m still conjuring up crow images.
In the process of researching crows I remembered something I had long forgotten. They are pretty smart and they like shiny objects. In fact they find ways to steal them so they can hoard them away.
Reminds me of Emelda Marcos and her shoe compulsion — I’m sure they were shiny.
Anyway, I got to thinkin’ about how a crow might react to the media circus that would result if he were indicted on felony burglary charges. I mean indicting a crow would certainly be a first and the media jumps all over first time court cases.
What Would The Usual Suspects Do?
Nancy Grace would have an Ivy League legal expert on her show offering up his opinions on whether the case was even constitutional. Then she’d have an experienced female behavioral expert chime in on whether this was an in-born behavior or a choice the crow made. And of course the male legal expert and the female behavioral expert would get into a heated debate on the moral aspects of incarcerating a crow for in-born behavior — something he couldn’t help.
Now, since the crow is black, the NAACP would demand equal time on the airwaves and stage a peaceful protest outside Nancy’s studio.
If the case were in fact prosecuted and won by the feds, a precedent would be set and in short order every crow would be caught stealing, filling up our prisons with yet another apparently singled out group — ripe pickings for the American Civil Liberties Union and The Sierra Club — a Save The Crows coalition would be initiated by them.
People in large SUV’s would be driving around with little magnetic black ribbons on the back with “support our crows” written across them.
Then you’ve got your big money crows. The white collar burglars. They would assemble a team of flashy, high profile attorneys, most likely Parrots and Cockatoos. Each case would be a security nightmare because of all the socially deprived stray cats trying to get in and execute their own form of vigil ante justice on the rich bastards.
And The Big Question…What Would Oprah Do?
I can envision Oprah interviewing a defendant whose case was found to be a miscarriage of justice after spending ten years in prison. Eventually freed after the real perpetrator was uncovered, it turned out the poor crow was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Oprah would naturally shed a few tears upon hearing his story told to America on her show — think tight close-up of Oprah here. Then, in an act of total generosity, in front of millions of American viewers, she would give the crow all her jewelry, free and clear, to hoard away any way he likes. The audience would rise and cheer and America would witness another first, a crow balling his eyes out in gratitude.
Bless her heart!
Bless his heart too!
Mmm, Mmm, Mmm…this is what I do in my idle minutes.
