Idle Minutes

Sleeping Corgi

16-Jan-08

There is something about observing one’s dog while it sleeps that brings a calming effect — at least for me.

When I watch Rosie sleep, innocence comes to mind.
I think back to when she was just a pup.
My mind conjures up images of her that are imprinted in the neural paths of my brain.
Images I had long forgotten.

She dreams apparently. At times she has begun barking in her sleep as I watched. Paws mimicking a run toward whatever she’s barking at, they move only from her knee. The rest of her body lies still.
If it were me doing the dreaming, and I was running, only my big toe would wiggle.
That’s assuming I was doing the chasing.

If I were being chased in my dream, my legs would be flailing. Ask my wife.

In her dreams, I think Rosie always does the chasing because her countenance feigns a hint of aggression as she barks and moves her paws.

It must be nice to be the character who is in control when one dreams. To be any other character would qualify a dream as a nightmare I suppose.

Filed in ACEO Art Cards, Animals, Pets, The Book of Rosie | | Comments (0) »

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

11-Jan-08

“I do not steal shiny objects!”

I’m still conjuring up crow images.

In the process of researching crows I remembered something I had long forgotten. They are pretty smart and they like shiny objects. In fact they find ways to steal them so they can hoard them away.

Reminds me of Emelda Marcos and her shoe compulsion — I’m sure they were shiny.

Anyway, I got to thinkin’ about how a crow might react to the media circus that would result if he were indicted on felony burglary charges. I mean indicting a crow would certainly be a first and the media jumps all over first time court cases.

What Would The Usual Suspects Do?

Nancy Grace would have an Ivy League legal expert on her show offering up his opinions on whether the case was even constitutional. Then she’d have an experienced female behavioral expert chime in on whether this was an in-born behavior or a choice the crow made. And of course the male legal expert and the female behavioral expert would get into a heated debate on the moral aspects of incarcerating a crow for in-born behavior — something he couldn’t help.

Now, since the crow is black, the NAACP would demand equal time on the airwaves and stage a peaceful protest outside Nancy’s studio.

If the case were in fact prosecuted and won by the feds, a precedent would be set and in short order every crow would be caught stealing, filling up our prisons with yet another apparently singled out group — ripe pickings for the American Civil Liberties Union and The Sierra Club — a Save The Crows coalition would be initiated by them.

People in large SUV’s would be driving around with little magnetic black ribbons on the back with “support our crows” written across them.

Then you’ve got your big money crows. The white collar burglars. They would assemble a team of flashy, high profile attorneys, most likely Parrots and Cockatoos. Each case would be a security nightmare because of all the socially deprived stray cats trying to get in and execute their own form of vigil ante justice on the rich bastards.

And The Big Question…What Would Oprah Do?

I can envision Oprah interviewing a defendant whose case was found to be a miscarriage of justice after spending ten years in prison. Eventually freed after the real perpetrator was uncovered, it turned out the poor crow was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Oprah would naturally shed a few tears upon hearing his story told to America on her show — think tight close-up of Oprah here. Then, in an act of total generosity, in front of millions of American viewers, she would give the crow all her jewelry, free and clear, to hoard away any way he likes. The audience would rise and cheer and America would witness another first, a crow balling his eyes out in gratitude.

Bless her heart!
Bless his heart too!

Mmm, Mmm, Mmm…this is what I do in my idle minutes.

Filed in ACEO Art Cards, Birds and Such, Nature, Stories, Whimsical Sketches | | Comments (0) »

Seen Any Worms?

06-Jan-08

Do you think there are “conversations” that go on in nature?

If there are, we certainly aren’t privy to them.

So that means there aren’t any right? I mean if there were, we’d surely know about them by now. I mean we WOULD know because we know everything…right?

Seems to me these questions fall into the category of:
Is there a Bigfoot?
Is there a Loch Ness Monster?

If one day we actually DO find a Bigfoot, Nessie…etc.
Then I would most likely be inclined to think these conversations, out in the woods, when nobody is around, between crows and toadstools, cows and ducks…heck pretty much everything…probably do go on.

And we will all simply be walking around saying “I’ll be dad burned!” when we find out about it.

Filed in ACEO Art Cards, Birds and Such, Nature, Whimsical Sketches | | Comments (6) »

Crow Bar

04-Jan-08

A Play on words.

Ever wonder if other languages have the luxury of built-in humor in them?

I mean a crowbar is a tool. And a crow bar is a bar where crows get drunk.
At least the redneck crows get drunk.

I’m sure there are some cigar smoking, skirt chasing, “gentleman” crows that don’t exactly get drunk.
On second thought…they probably do get drunk but don’t let on.
They would be the lawyer crows naturally.

And then you would have the ravens that frequent Crow’s Place. They would be the politician, judge, doctor, professor, poet and artist crows of course. They aren’t going to be satisfied being called a crow. And they are going to drink expensive wine and talk about it a lot. Most likely they won’t get drunk though. Ravens are too sophisticated for that.

But I digress…

The language thing. I know zero about other languages so I do wonder if they have words that are the same but can be used in different contexts so as to make a pun or play on words…like crowbar and crow bar.

I’ve tried making plays on words with various foreigners whom I’ve met. That’s how I test their knowledge of the language. Most often they look at me oddly. Of course they smile politely, but that look is a dead give away that they didn’t get it.

I get the same result from them if I use colloquialisms in talking to them.

For Example:
I recently had a concrete block retaining wall built here at my house. Naturally, the four guys doing the work were Mexicans and the one supervisor (read translator) was an evil white Anglo Saxon male.

The wall was going along fine until I stood on the property in such a way that I could see it was leaning a teeny bit. Not good. Better to have them fix it early in the process.

So, I said to the four Mexicans working on the wall…”hey, that wall is leanin’ towards Miss Jones’es” as I swung my hand and arm in the appropriate direction.

They all looked at each other for support, then they all looked at me, and in unison said, “¿Que?”.

I went and got the translator. Obviously they didn’t know Southern.

See? Colloquialisms are a great test of whether a foreigner knows the language. Try it.

Now, if any one of you dear readers knows whether other languages are set up and ripe for puns, colloquialisms and plays on words, I’d like to know.

And if you don’t want to participate in educating the author, you might enjoy bidding on the illustration over at eBay if you think you’d like to have it as a souvenir.

Filed in ACEO Art Cards, Birds and Such, Cartoons | | Comments (4) »

French Fry Watch

28-Dec-07

We have a bunch of crows in our neighborhood that wake me up every morning. I’m not appreciating that fact right now because they usually start cawing about an hour or two before I intend to get up.

This has set me to paying attention to crows a bit. I’ve never really watched them much.

Not far from me is a McDonalds…the one that can never get the tea order correct.
I was sitting in the parking lot enjoying my items from the dollar menu…and lo! I spotted a Crow waiting for a french fry.

How do I know he was waiting for a french fry? Because I tossed one out the window and he immediately swooped down and flew off with it.

It suited my mind at the time to believe I had communicated with the Crow in some sort of mental stream of silent man-to-bird consciousness, discerning that he wanted a french fry. And thus I gave to the Crow what he so longed after, fulfilling my repressed feelings of wanting to commune with nature on a level that our Native American brethren must have commanded when they lived here alone on this continent, in the wilderness, centuries ago.

That of course is B.S.
Truth be told, I could have thrown a five pound chuck roast out the window and he would have tried to fly off with it as well. Crows will eat anything.

But hey…it makes for a good story doesn’t it?

Filed in ACEO Art Cards, Animals, Birds and Such, Landscapes, Nature, Restaurants and Such, Stories | | Comments (4) »

Corgi Christmas

27-Dec-07

Rosie is a stylish dresser.

For Christmas eve and Christmas day 2007 she has chosen her green and red elf collar with simulated red and green peppermints adorning the tip of each petal. Not bad for a cattle herder.

These two days are frisky days for her, herding my wife back and forth up and down the stairs from the kitchen to the gift wrapping station. And she must stand watch on the kitchen floor for dropped food.

Then there’s picture taking and snooping through piles of gift wrapping for a stray candy bar or candy cane.

And of course travel to the in-laws to visit faces not often seen…and to pose and snoop again.

In the waning hours of Christmas eve, the waiting game begins. This is explained on the sketch so I won’t repeat it here.

Rosie has more fun at Christmas than I do.

In fact, she has more fun in general than I do.

I think this has a lot to do with the fact that she is cuter than me.

Filed in Animals, Pets, The Book of Rosie | | Comments (6) »

Corgi Stare Down

23-Dec-07

Rosie at play.

Yes…she’s playing. Actually she’s resting from play for a few minutes.

It’s still play because she uses these moments to her advantage
to psyche out her nemisis…the sheep.
In a moment she will pop up on all fours and grab ol’ sheepy cross the back
and clamp down for a couple of good loud squeaks.

Then reposition her clamp to the little stubby tail for a good shaking.

There is nothing ol’ sheepy can do.
He is trapped in the stare down.
He can’t move.
He can’t scream.
He can’t breath.
Poor thing can’t even take a fear induced dump.

But hey…most of the time he lives in an air conditioned toy box, free of harassment, with a dozen or so other tortured souls.
It could be worse.

Getting to this stage of play with Rosie involves pre-play and post-play.
Both of which require one human, usually my wife.
My wife is Rosie’s “Jolly Playmate”.
A subject for another entry in the Book of Rosie.

BTW, this one is a spread across two pages of the sketchbook. As with all the illustrations here at Idle Minutes, you can click on it to see a larger version.